Paul Dixon: A view from the Gallowgate

I am writing this post-match (honestly!), but given our depressing recent form against Al City I could have knocked it out on Saturday night and had a nice day in the pub with good friends

St James Park, the home of Newcastle United Football Club
St James Park, the home of Newcastle United Football Club

I am writing this post-match (honestly!), but given our depressing recent form against Al City I could have knocked it out on Saturday night and had a nice day in the pub with good friends, fine wines and a pleasing cigar.

To be fair though, if it hadn’t been for officiating best suited to Sunday morning pub leagues, we could have taken something out of it.

As against Arsenal, though, despite giving it a good go, we just didn’t have the composure when chances were presented.

So although it isn’t a disgrace to lose to a team whose substitutes cost more than your first team, it exemplified where we could be with decent investment.

Don’t hold your breath on that, if recent statements by our Director of Fancy New Offices is to be believed.

We simply musn’t raise the expectations of the peasantry – you know, the ones who pay for the game.

Never mind, it is of course transfer season, and despite yourself you can’t resist getting involved.

Daily in my inbox there are tempting offers to bestow on me the genitalia of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and offers of riches so vast I could pay off the national debt, and still have enough left to take Guns ‘n’ Roses out for a drink. These blandishments though, I can disdainfully delete with a cursory press of a button.

However, Sky Sports (the modern day ‘mate’s cousin who lives next door to...’) just need to trail a report with ‘exciting transfer news for Newcastle supporters’ and I’m onto the baited hook faster than a suicidal trout.

It isn’t of course Lionel Messi arriving with his squillionaire mate, but a hopeful punt about a bloke who went to Germany and did nowt.

Did anybody read the minutes from the recent Fans Forum?

From the club it was just line after line of dead-batting, matter-of-fact, middle-of-the-road blandness as if reporting the amount of ball bearings sold in the last quarter.

No opinion, no olive branches, no reason at all to make the heart pump.

This isn’t a sporting club, it’s Radio 2.

Try and find how many times the word ‘ambition’ appears in the club’s responses.

I’ll give you a clue – Cliff Richard has had the same amount of girlfriends in the last 25 years.

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