In my short life so far, I am happy to say that our house has never suffered a flood.
There was the time the bath overflowed and gave the kitchen an impromptu top-to-bottom dousing, but that was all over and done with before me and Big Bro Fred had time to locate our wellies in the hope of recreating a Peppa Pig episode finale.
This week, we’ve all been feeling so sorry for the people down south who are currently having to deal with being sad, frightened, away from their homes and uncertain about what happens next because of the last few weeks-worth of crazy weather... and the lack of preparation for it.
It’s hard to imagine how they must be feeling, but I think I can say with some degree of certainty that their mood probably wasn’t massively improved by the en masse arrival of David Caterpillar, Nick Cloggs, Ed Millipede and Nigel Forehead who all put on their serious faces while surveying the situation for political points.
Not only did this have more than a whiff of shutting the door after My Little Pony has trotted off - the floods have been devastating some communities for ages - but it also stunk to high heaven of a place I like to call Photo Opportunity City.
For starters, why do they need to see the floods in the flesh?
Aside from the boatload of television coverage which has quite rightly been devoted to the situation, I’m pretty sure there will be more than a minibus-full of people on the ground who actually have expertise in the field, and are presumably reporting back with recommedations aplenty when it comes to the emergency and rescue efforts, preparation for the stormy weather which is still to come and what can be done to guard against such devastation in the future.
I’m starting to think the political parade was more founded in everyone wanting to show off the new expensive wellies they got for Christmas... or in Nigel Forehead’s case, a memorable set of waders which made him my favourite of the group for the first time ever.
What a bunch of wallies they looked... especially when you put all the photos together in one place as many internet websites did for our viewing pleasure.
If Mr Forehead got the stupid style award for his waders, Mr Cloggs got the one for doing the best actions. He may not know how to keep a manifesto promise, but you can’t say that man doesn’t know how to point at water.
Mr Millipede, meanwhile, takes home the prize which combines looking as serious as you can, while gazing out over the floods as if you were starring in Waterworld.
I’m struggling to find a gong for Mr Caterpillar. I’m thinking that as the current boss of the country, a slapped wrist might be more in order.
What the flood victims need from politicians is decisions, which translate into the real-life action they so desperately need.
So why don’t you all put your wellies back on the shelf, stop trying to score political victories while people are suffering and sort the floody thing out.