IT HAS always amused me that two of the best-known brands in air travel are easy and Virgin. If I were in corporate finance, I wouldn’t be able to resist trying to merge them, just for the joy of creating an even more perfect oxymoron than “police intelligence”.

I was making a rare trawl of airline websites in case anyone was taking advance bookings for time travel, following that recent story about its feasibility.

I was making a rare trawl of airline websites in case anyone was taking advance bookings for time travel, following that recent story about its feasibility.

After all, I’m sure every self-respecting millionaire has already put down a deposit for the journey into space offered by Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic (a snip at $200,000).

There does not appear to be a Virgin Palatick, so you must still make your own arrangements for the other sort of journey into space traditionally achieved with Newcastle Brown Ale.

There’s no Virgin Time, either, so that avenue of opportunity seems to be closed to me. On the whole, I don’t think I’d want to venture into the past with an economy carrier.

They’d make you buy your own pease pottage when you got back to the Middle Ages, and create a fuss when you couldn’t tender anything smaller than a groat.

The latest theory actually states that no-one will ever be able to travel further back than the point at which a time machine is first constructed, but what’s the use of that?

Everyone I know wants to go backwards, not into the future. A friend recently emigrated to New Zealand because it reminds him of England in the 1950s. I know others who have gone to France and Spain for the same reason.

No wonder there is a disconnection between the public and politicians, who are always banging on about changing things to create a better tomorrow. What we want is a better past.

Perhaps we shouldn’t be fretting about the North-East’s ancient cloth cap image, but embracing it. Bill Bryson has already suggested making the whole of England a National Park. I vote we go one better and hand the entire region over to Beamish Museum.

I’d been hoping to create a website explaining the many business opportunities this would create, under my new brand difficultExperienced.com. Sadly, however, in my brave old world the Internet has been disinvented.

Keith Hann is a PR consultant who sometimes fails to think things through. www.keithhann.com

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